I thank each and everyone of you for all your thoughts prayers and messages that you have sent for Claire and Toby and us as a family. We were so surprised and saddened to hear that we are not the only ones that have gone through losing a baby/ babies, and my heart goes out to you all, it doesn't matter how long ago it happened they are still your baby's and so sad they are memories to hold and to cherish.
I have not been in here for a while as Claire has had a complete breakdown and poor Toby is hanging on by a thread. We are all so scared he's going to break soon. When Evie was born he had only been at his new job for 2 months- ish and was still on the probation period. Although they were so pleased with his work before he took time off to grieve, when he went back they started the probation all over again and are putting so much pressure on him and he's not coping at all well as he is so worried about Claire and, keeping a roof over their heads if they decide not to keep him on, it's so unfair. I can't believe a time when a couple have been dealt such a sad ordeal, and as parents you want totake the pain away and make everything better, but we can't. We have never felt so useless. We go over Claire's everyday on shifts. Erica (MIL) goes over most mornings, I go over from 12-5pm and Paul does 5-7pm until Toby gets home. Our life pattern is so different now and we are all so so tired.
The inlaws are away on holiday this week in Portugal, and Paul is away too, for work, so it is just me Claire and Toby. Claire has some wonderful friends that I can call on if I need a break. I also need to get back home for the little addition to Drakes Field Cards, it's our little " Half pint " aka Ellie. She is coming up to 10 months old and is knee high to a grass hopper but has a Great dane size of love to give. I found her on the Blue cross web site and fell in love immediately. In between seeing Claire, I went to see Ellie everyday for 2 weeks for an hour or so every day, so that we could get to know each other before all the paperwork was finalized and we could bring her home, we even got Claire out of the house to meet Ellie one day, and it was love at first sight. this little bundle has just snuggled into our family life, even although she is going through the terrible 2's at the moment and wants to chew everything. It might end up me taking her to the dentist to have her teeth out, ( not really )! Ellie has eaten a lot of my crafting items. When I have given in and had a snooze in my workroom chair thinking she was sound asleep on my lap, only to wake up to roses, boxes, and even a plug chewed to pieces. So pleased I'm paranoid about electricity and it was turned off. needless to say we have lifted everything off of the floor now.
Enough about me now. I would love to know what you have all been doing while I have been away. I need to try and get back into some kind of routine. We have been told we all need to plan a daily thing to achieve and a weekly thing to achieve. I can only think of crafting, but need some umpf to do it. I did make Claire and Toby an anniversary card as you can see, and I sat up all night to make it as Paul said I couldn't buy them one they would appreciate one of yours more. So this is what I came up with, as Claire now associates daffodils with Evelyn, because it was Mothers day the last day they spent with Evie in the hospital, and the nurses sent Claire a vase of daffodils and a message from Evie. Heart braking for them both.
I just wanted to call in and say hello to you all as you have all been so kind with your thoughts and prayers. I think there is still a long way to go, but knowing you are all here really is a blessing. Thank you all so Much from the bottom of my heart.
I will be back soon,I feel I need to.
Much love to all of you, and thank you for being here for us, I can't put into words how much you all mean to me. XXXX
The Biggest Hugs Always
Tina XX
