Saturday, 9 April 2016

Hoping You are Still There

Hello Lovely Ladies.

I really have to give each and everyone of you a personal THANK YOU!

Yorksbutterfly- Wendy
Tracey Stitt
Maureen Killen
Lorraine JefferisRob!-Robyn
Ms Linda
June Smith
Lorraine McNeil
Lynn Dalby
Crafty Clare
Denise T
Mary- from Durham
Patricia Littlejohns
Maria Illsley
Jan from Long Island
'P' in Wales
Beth Queen
Angela UK
Pam Hackett
Wheelybad T and Billy x
Rose in Chester
Jane B
Sue Wilson
And my Voice over the past weeks- Stephanie Cotterill, aka- Boss, you've been fantastic.

Like you all, you didn't know what to say, and I feel the same now. Anything I say tonight will not be enough to express how much your wonderful thoughts, words & prayers have given us comfort, and I can only say a big heartfelt thank you to everyone of you.

We looked forward so much to our Granddaughters arrival and in no way imagined  Evie's arrival would be a "born sleeping birth".

We have had really sad days since Evie's birth, and Claire and Toby have needed all our strength. We have sobbed, got angry and such unbelievable feelings of disbelief that this has happened can't be put into words.

Claire, Paul & myself have spent many days in tears, visiting them both, and bless him, Toby, has remained so strong for us all. we are all concerned for him as he hasn't let all his feelings out yet.

On Mother's day they had to say goodbye to Evie, and Claire and Toby went home from the hospital with a vase of Daffodils from Evie saying "To mummy Happy mothers day, with Love from Evelyn XX". My heart broke for them, and I can't understand how they got through that day, as I went home with 2 healthy babies when I gave birth  and Claire and Toby went home without their little bundle of joy, just the little rabbit they had bought for her, and the books they had read to her.

They then had to wait for nearly 3 weeks to see Evie again after the autopsy. When they were told Evelyn was back with the funeral directors just down the road from them, they felt less anxious as in the past weeks they didn't know where their baby was. They went to see Evie everyday in the chapel of rest and held her, and told her how much they loved her and would always love her.

Evelyn's funeral was on the 31st March at 10.45am. Paul Craig & I arrived early and Paul went for a walk around the gardens and I stayed with Craig. Mum & Dad in- law  along with Toby's brother and fiance arrived shortly afterwards. 4 midwives from the hospital also came. Claire knew 2 were coming, but they were so in awe of Claire & Toby, they asked later if they could also come as they had also been at the birth of Evie.

My Claire Bear & Toby were amazing on the day we said goodnight to our beautiful baby girl. All the beautiful flowers that were sent were arranged around the glass table Evie was to be laid on. All the chairs were arranged so that we cuddled little Evie. we walked in behind Claire and Toby as they carried their little baby girl together in a tiny little white coffin, and the music they chose was (The Swan) by Camille Saint-Saens, from Swan Lake, the ballet that Claire & I went to in February, I was in pieces when I heard this piece of music. A memory Claire And I will always share.

Peter, the Lay Preacher was very emotional as he had spent time with Toby & Claire before the goodnight day. We had the greeting from Peter and then words from Claire and Toby.

Claire read her letter that she had written to Evelyn. It started from the day she took her pregnancy test, to the day she was born sleeping and all her feelings afterwards. I was so proud of her. She had lots of tearful pauses, but my goodness my girl did what she set out to do for Evelyn. I squeezed her hand so tight . Then Toby got up and read a most  heartbreaking poem. We all tried to be so strong for them, but we were all in pieces. These two beautiful people had just said goodnight to their stunningly beautiful daughter, and did it with such dignity, we were all so overwhelmed with love and pride for Claire & Toby

We then had a photo gallery of Evelyn and while these were being shown a Kris Kristofferson  song called "From here and to Forever". A Country and Western song they used to play and Evie moved a lot while it was playing when in mummy's tummy and also brought back memories of their honeymoon in Texas.  Evie seemed to enjoy Country music. A very moving moment. I can't put into words.

Then Peter ( Lay Preacher) read a poem, "I'm Always here"

Then to blow us all away, Claire & Toby found the strength to read a book together that they had read to Evie in bed after she was born called. "Guess How Much I Love you". Tears flowed in puddles, but they put every bit of strength they had together to make it a happy story. I cannot even now, weeks later say how proud I am of them both, and how beautifully they said goodnight to their baby girl and our beautiful little granddaughter Evelyn. They even had a miniature copy of the book made for everyone and was given to us to follow in the order of service and for a keepsake in Evelyn's memory.

We all went up and kissed our little Evie's sleeping cot and said our goodnight's, while the final song playing for Evelyn was HELLO by Adele.

Evelyn is now at home with Claire & Toby. They bought a teddy from the funeral directors, and Evie's ashes have been placed in the pocket at the back of the bear. It's such a cute bear too and is cuddled constantly.

We thought we would have wonderful news to share with you all. this is not how anyone would have imagined things would have turned out and I hope I never hear of anything so painful again.

Bare with me please, I am trying to finish the card I had started for Evie's arrival, but can't muster any enthusiasm. But Claire has said that Daffodils will always remind her of Evelyn. So I am redoing my Evie Card. I had made roses, but now I am making Daffodils. I hope you will allow me to share it with you soon.

Again. A Big, Big Heartfelt Thank You's from Claire, Toby, Myself , Paul & Craig

Tina XX

PS:- Myra, I feel so awful. Today I went back to make sure I had thanked everyone, only to see I had missed your name when turning the paper to carry on making the list of people to thank. Please forgive me , I would not have left you out intentionally, ever. x