Thursday, 14 July 2016


Hi Ladies/ Friends

I really wanted to write to each of you to say a personal Thank you for your beautiful messages after my Summer died, but every time I read them I cried some more. I do Thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart, you really are very special people and I think I'm very lucky to have you as my blog friends XX. Thank you again.

I would really have love to end this message with good news, but sadly bad news has tapped us on the shoulder again. Some of you already know of this news as you have read Claire's blog. Anthea, Claire's chief bridesmaid was diagnosed with a tumor just after Claire & Toby's wedding. I remember her asking me throughout the day for pain killers, but she never let on to Claire as she didn't want to ruin her big day. Just weeks later she was told she had cancer. She fought an incredible fight with the relentless and aggressive treatment. After her last lot of chemo she had a scan and it was fantastic news she had beaten it. At Claire's baby shower Anthea was in so much pain around her shoulder blade and Jake & I took it in turns to rub her back. She said she had been to the doctors and asked to have an X ray on her return home. She was told that a part of her old tumor had traveled and had gone to her lung, she also had two tumors in her lower back and one in her chest and was told very sadly that it was terminal. We were all so shocked and so sad. Immediately Anthea said she was going to fight again. She was given new drugs and started even more relentless chemo and radiotherapy. After months and months of treatment she had a scan and was told that it was working and the tumors had all shrunk. That she will always need treatment, but she had been given TIME.

On the 4th July Anthea was rushed into hospital struggling to breath. They said she had an infection and was given high doses of antibiotics and oxygen to help her breath and said they would keep her over night for observation. She even rang me Friday early evening from her hospital bed to say that she had ordered Claire a couple of skirts for Toby's brother's wedding on the 23rd of July as Claire still doesn't like to go out shopping yet. She sent me pictures of them and said what do you think of this dress too. By the time I opened the link she said "too late I've ordered that too" and said she will have them sent to Claire. We talked for about half an hour about silly things and had a real giggle with each other. She said to me that I wasn't to worry, that she was going to be fine and would see us all in a couple of weeks. So I said  "goodnight, And I love you " and she said night night, I love you too aunty T. Just hours later she was in ICU her temperature had spiked and we were told she had pneumonia, and that she had been heavily sedated and was on a life support machine as she could no longer breath for herself. Claire and Toby went to see her Saturday and to support Andrea ( Anthea's mum ). They were told that there was some improvement and things were looking better.

Sunday evening I got a teary call from Claire to ask if I would drive her to Kent on Monday as Anthea was really poorly again. We sat all day stroking her arms and talking to her. Claire took Evie bear with her and laid Evie beside Anthea and said your Goddaughter is here to meet you. It was heartbreaking to see Claire go through yet another sadness in such a short time from the loss of her baby girl.

We drove 3hrs home in silence, both stunned and praying for a miracle. Paul drove Claire back to the hospital on Tuesday.

Andrea was told on Monday evening that there was nothing more they could do for Anthea as she had multiple cysts in her lungs. The specialists said that it was cruel to keep her in this state and advised Andrea to turn off the life support machine. Which they did, and Anthea died at 4 O'clock on the 5th July.

How BLOODY unfair, to have fought so so hard, and was beating the cancer into submission only to be taken from us with Pneumonia.

As yet we haven't heard when the funeral is, but it's going to be a very very sad day. It's going to be so hard to watch Jake say goodbye to his mum.

Rest in Peace beautiful Anthea XX.

I don't wish sadness on anyone, but I just wish it would just leave us alone now.

Sending you all much love & happiness

Tina XX


  1. Tina, I was so shocked when I read on Claire's blog about Anthea's passing. I really thought she was going to be here for a long time and see Jake grow up! It's so sad, the only thing as I said to Claire for her to be their for Jake as Anthea will be looking after Evie for her. When I first knew you and you were going through hard sad times then I did think it was all over, yet again you have been having to go through so much sadness again. We will hope and pray that surely you have had you fill and live will start to get onky better with good news not sad. Claire is very brave writing her feeling, yet I think it is good for her to do so rather than bottle them up. Only those who have gone through what as a family you have all gone through, know the real pain, time is a great healer and I hope that with each day you all gone to terms with it, you will never get over it these special ones, they will allways be with you in your hearts. ((((((Hugs)))))) I just wish I could give them in person. Hazel xxx

  2. Dear Tina, this is really heartbreaking and I just don't know what to say except I am thinking and praying for you all, including Jake.
    As Hazel says, Evie has Anthea beside her now, and Claire will help Jake as much as she can, which may in turn help her.
    Sending you love and prayers.
    Maureen xxx

  3. Oh my dear friend Tina, I am so, so, very sorry to read about Anthea, what a very brave fight she tried so hard to beat this terrible disease and then to be taken with pneumonia, take comfort that she is with Evie now and they can comfort each other.

    My heart really does go out to you and all your family, what a terrible time you have had. Nothing I can say is going to take this hurt away but please know that I am thinking and praying for you all.

    Hugs my friend, Stay safe, June Smith xxxx

  4. Tina,
    What can we say, life is certainly giving you & your family a right good roasting this year isn't it. You need to take a good deep breath, things WILL get better. I check your blog every day to see if you've posted and are feeling better, obviously this is not the case. My family had some bad news a few weeks ago, my brother has been diagnosed with advanced prostrate cancer, its such a blow when you hear news like this but he is very positive, he's had his operation and is looking forward (NOT) to 10 sessions of chemotherapy. What a wicked world this can be at times :(
    Life is for living and we must all solider on, ducking and diving as we go.

    Hugs to you & Paul, Claire & Toby - your in my thoughts xxx

    1. Angela, I'm so sorry to hear that your brother has cancer. I hope the operation went well and that he starts his treatment soon. Chemo is definitely not anything to look forward to and 10 sessions too, but it's good he's very positive. Sending you & your brother love & more positive thoughts XX.

      I hope one day soon we can all stop ducking & diving and win the battle against this awful disease called cancer.

      Sending hugs in abundance. XX Tina

  5. Dear Tina,
    I just looked at your blog , as I quite often do, to see if you have posted one of your creations, but no you are hit hard again with sadness and loss of a dear person.
    It is heartbreaking and seems so unfair that you all have to go through such pain again.
    Nothing I say can take away your pain but be assured that I am thinking of you all and I have included you in my prayers ever since we met you and Paul, but even more so now that you have had to go through such awful times.
    I do hope that Claire can find comfort in knowing that Anthea is now with her beloved daughter Evelyn.
    A big hug to all of you .
    Take care Tina, hope you will feel a bit better soon as you are dearly missed by me on your blog.
    Love you my dear friend, big hug from me and Henk to you and Paul.XXXX

  6. Hi Tina
    I'm so sorry & very sad that Anthea has lost her life to phenomena after her amazing fight with that terrible illness.
    I don't know what to say but hope you can Take some comfort knowing that she is with Evie & are now looking after each other.
    My love & Preayers are with you all Lynda xx

  7. Hi sweet friend.
    I didn't think it was my place to inform others of this awful news as I knew or thought that this would be your own personal tribute to your 2nd daughter, to a young lady you treated as your daughter, it certainly wasn't my place to take that from your heart.
    When you called and told me Anthea had been called to receive her wings, and be there to help little Evelyn I just couldn't get my head round it. There are so many evil people around that are allowed to walk upon this earth, those that bully others that make them want to end it all, those that are told to destroy others with guns and bombs, and those that destroy families by taking the children and future of this world,they continue to walk this planet, and it's just NOT fair. Oh people can say "He only takes the best" ! What does that really mean when the 'best' are taken we are left with all that is evil to continue to carry on ? We need the best to continue on, we can't be left with a world full of evil and destructive people, it's about time that somehow at some point someone gave you and your family something to be joyful and happy about, something to celebrate. I know it's your wedding anniversary today, I also know it will probably go by without the happiness today should bring, as I know you fear every new day that dawns. How could I send you a card that celebrates 36 years together when I know we are so similar it probably would be opened another day when you feel a bit more like it, so I'm sending my love to you, I'm sending my love to you and Paul, but at the same time regretting the distance life has put between us !
    I just wish that this is it now how much more you can take I really don't know if I'm being honest. How on earth you will bounce back having one shock after another I have no idea, people say time, I say whenever you find the strength as you, Paul, Craig, Claire and toby, have had SO much **** thrown at you more than anyone I've ever known, it takes a lot more than time to get over what you've all gone through in the two years since we were drawn to each other.

    Love you xx

  8. Oh Tina flower, i can't even bring myself to say good morning because it isn't for you and your poor family. I know that Anthea was your "special" daughter that you inherited and never gave back, but my heart goes out to your family and Anthea's and poor wee Jake. Your poor fragile Clairebear is going to be greiving all over again for the dearest friend she ever had and there is nothing that anyone can say that is going to make it any better for her, but she now has another purpose in life and that is to help her wee buddy cope with and be told just how special his mummy was to so many people. I'm typing this and the tears are running down my face because i know just what devastation you are all going through. Maybe Claire when she does get through this dark tunnel will know that she has someone she can trust up there looking after her little Evie. I am so truly truly sorry to read about Anthea's passing as that wee lass had come through a lot as well only to be taken so cruelly by something other than the cancer. I send you my thoughts, my prayers and big hugs, i just wish that like a lot of others that i could give you and Claire them in person. I too think that you have had more than your fair share of heartache and wish it was now finished with your family. Take care my lovely friend not only of yourself, but of your family as well and i pray that you will now be left in peace.
    love and gentle hugs
    Norah (glenochil)

  9. Hi Tina

    Yet more awful news for you all. I hate the unfairness off it all. I could tell by everything you've written today and previous to this that Anthea was an amazing, loving, caring young lady. My heart breaks all over again for you all and for Anthea's family. I must admit, my first thought was that she'd gone to look after Evelyn. I'm feeling very upset thinking about her poor little boy and Claire because I know the pain of losing your best friend. It was 13 years ago and I still hear his voice and I still talk to him. I know that despite her own sadness and pain Claire will be a huge comfort to Anthea's family. I shall visit Claire's blog too and send her a little message x

    I'm sorry I've not been in touch, I lose 3/4 of the week then I have to use the rest on mundane things, sorting things out etc. I get to Particraft when I can and everyone is keeping me topped up on hugs and I owe them all more than they know. I think about all of you every day without fail and I think of Evie whenever I see a star in the sky. I shall think of Anthea too now.

    Sending all of you the biggest hugs I got. Billy sends wags, woofs and special fluffy cuddles to you and Ellie,

    Love T x

  10. Oh my!! I am completely lost for words .... we all know this sort if thing happens every day but it is soo sad and unfair.
    My heart goes out to you and anthea's families. Xxxx

  11. Oh Tina
    Saw the news in June's comment this morning on Particraft.
    Can't believe that you have had such an awful blow in losing Anthea, she was obviously so special to all of you. Sending heartfelt sympathy and to Andrea too.
    Time never heals, you just get used to the new reality and carry on somehow. Do hope Claire can give lots of extra loving to Jake, so hard .... but it may help her through this tough time.
    Sending hugs.

    'P' in Wales

  12. Dearest Tina.

    I'm really stuck for words to say to u as I'm still struggling myself.
    My dad passed away on the 7th July. I'm still a bit angry with life and feel as tho I've been left behind to suffer in the pain of sadness that I've been left with.
    Life is very cruel at times. Just dealt with dads funeral today and feel as tho I'm in a big bubble and that it's not really happening. We did raise £600 for Ayrshire cancer support at it so I get some comfort in that.
    But I'm sending my love to u and ur family. Xxx

  13. Hello Tina.
    I have nearly emailed you several times as you have given your email address out - but as it wasn't to me - I haven't . This is not a criticism my dear, just an explanation!
    You and your lovely family have been in my thoughts and prayers for weeks and I'm so very sorry that you seem to be getting one thing after another!
    I just hope and pray that Anthea's passing may actually help your lovely Claire! That may sound a very odd thing to say but if Claire can think or even picture Anthea looking after her very precious Evie then I'm sure it will help her care for Jake.
    I'm really praying that these dark , sad days will pass sooner rather than later and that Claire and all of you will feel stronger.
    My heart goes out to each and every one of you! Oh I wish I could do more.
    Please look after yourself too - when we give so much in life we also lose much.
    God Bless you my dear friend!
    Wish I could do more - lots of love, Myra xxx

    1. Bless you Myra. Please feel free to use my email address.

      Tina XX

  14. Hello Tina I am so sorry to hear your news i just can not write how i feel and thinking of dear Claire too ,please give her a hug and all my love i just do not know what to say to her.

    I have my brother inlaw poorly with lung cancer and my own Daughter has just been tod she has bladder cancer we are not sure yet what treatment she will be having .

    Thinking of you all God Bless Jeanie xxxx

    1. Jeanie, I will love to pass on your love & hug to Claire.

      My goodness, what an awful year for sad news, but we have to be positive for your brother in-law and for your daughter. please keep in touch with me. I can't remember a year when I have prayed so much for people going through such hard time, and you will be in my prayers tonight. please, if you can keep me informed. Thinking of you Jeanie. XX Tina

    2. Thank you Tina in my prayers too xxx jeanie

  15. Dear Tina, I am so so sorry to hear that you and your family have been hit by such sadness again. Life is so unfair, some people seem to sail through life without been affected by tragedy, whilst others seem to be overwhelmed by it. This has been such a terrible year for you all, and I am sure that all your friends and your blog friends on here wish so much that they could do something to help heal the hurt. I know I do. You and your family especially Claire and Andrea and her family are in my thought and prayers and this sad time.
    Hugs Wendyx

  16. Dear Tina,I have no words that can help you, just to say you are all in my thoughts. xxx

  17. Hi Tina
    I just don't know what to say , as you know i have my lovely dear son up against the fight ,he has had set backs since the operation and admitted back into Hospital 3 times since then.He has to see Consultant in August to talk about the treatment .
    Nothing i say will help your sad loss but i want you to know i am thinking and praying for you and your family and Anthea's family too .
    Take Care
    Elaine H X

  18. Thinking of you all this day as Anthea is taken by the hand to guide Evie into the next world of peace, safety and love. May peace surround both Anthea and baby Evelyn. In my thoughts and heart today xx